Tomorrow is new years eve

There are so many things I am hoping for in the year to come....

peace to be a better mom to my boys
joy in everyday life
hope for good business in the year to come
health for me and my family

I am ready for the boys to be back in school.  I get overwhelmed a lot when they are home.  I have so many things I hope to accomplish in 2015...  mainly things I have not been successful for this year.

getting and keeping the house in order
getting the repairs done on the house (at the very least the house leveled and the roof done)
setting up a garden
losing weight
gaining muscle
getting my mental health in check
keeping up with the business records (for RNA and my Avon)

Things I need to do the first week the boys are back in school
call and make me an appointment with new dr
call and get the boys dr appointments made for their annual physicals
call and check the date of the dental appointment for the boys
possibly make Kenn an appointment with his dr as well...
post a give away for monitors and clothes, and toys...after three days donate clothes and toys....

I'm going to be doing a lot of  cleaning and organizing this year.

This is going to be our year I just feel it :)

My year in review

This year was full of ups and downs, as most years are :) ...  As I look back on some of the struggles and blessings, I know, as always God is in control.  Even when things seem pretty bleak, and I just don't see how they can get better ... they do.

Kenn's business did very well this year (we have done over 1900 runs, and last year it was just over 1500 I believe) We are having vehicle problems... and are working to get those sorted out in the coming months.  We recently bought (are still buying) a Ford Expedition from a neighbor.  I dropped T and A off at school 3 days after we got it and was headed to pick our friend that helps us with runs up.  I was half way there when the tire blew (back passenger tire)  so I try to slowly pull off the road (like you are suppose to)  I pull off and get into the grass (very busy morning traffic wanted to get as far off the road as I could) as soon as I go to stop the car it starts spinning out of control.  I hit several metal bars holding wires that separate the two sides of the highway, but I thank God for those wires as when the truck stopped spinning I was about 3 feet from the other side of traffic.  And facing the opposite direction than I had started at.  The first thing I did after it stopped spinning, put it in park, turn it off, and threw the keys in the passenger seat.  Then I Voxed (a walkie talkie app that we have on our phones for business use) Kenn "Well I think we are back down to one vehicle again..."  He called me and I told him what happened.  A sheriff's deputy was just a couple cars behind me when it happened, and he stayed to do the report (cause the city police were taking a while)  Kenn got to me as fast as he could.  I was not hurt at all, the airbags didn't even pop...  very grateful for Ford tough vehicles. 

 I was very distraught... mainly because we were (are) still paying for the car, had only had it 3 days, and I have been the "death" of way too many of our vehicles... But both the sheriff's deputy and Kenn assured me that I did everything just they way I should have, and that it was not my fault.   It took a while before the tow truck got to us (early morning traffic being what it is in a big city)  when they finally got there Kenn let the deputy know that he was going to go ahead and take me, and go get money for the tow truck, so we could meet it back at the house.  

I just knew the truck was a total loss... when the tow truck finally got to the house (a different one than had first gotten there (it took a couple of hours for them to get it to us)  The driver was able to turn the engine on, and drive it (as well as you can with two flat tires) off the tow truck (apparently the first driver had broken his tow chain or something like that)  so the fact that not only did it start, but the wheels moved are good signs.  It needs ALOT of work but isn't a complete loss (needs both tires on passenger side replaced, both the headlight and tail light on passenger side, lots of body work (mostly passenger, but there is a gouge on the driver's side from the initial hit ....  the muffler and exhaust pipe will need to be replaced as the tail pipe is bent up under the back wheel.  and the very back passenger window will need to be replaced.  But I am fine, and the truck still runs... so when we can get it fixed we'll have two working vehicles again  (most expensive thing from the looks of it will be the tires (but we were wanting to change them out anyway))

Now I was feeling very down when I walked to the bus stop for T and A that afternoon...I sat on the ground feeling sorry for myself, and I saw a penny heads up so I picked it up and smiled when I saw the year on it 1961 (year my parents graduated HS, and the year they got married)  After my dad died I had told T that pennies on the ground were a reminder that my dad was up there looking after us... and finding that penny with that year on it pretty much validated that thought for me :)  

 

Anyway my hopes for the coming year is to be able to continue to grow the business once the second vehicle gets fixed and I can start running again.  I just started selling Avon, so I am hoping that I can start contributing more to the house hold, or at least have enough income that I can pay the monthly insurance premiums... and have some left over to pamper myself a little.  Got lots of hopes for R(starting with getting him to actually do his school work).... Probably going to be sending him to an out of district HS though next year.  

I want to make enough that I can get my teeth fixed by Thanksgiving 15..

I want to spend at least 30 minutes a day cleaning and decluttering.

I will spend at least 30 minutes a day exercising (1st with the bike around this area, and then once the car is fixed start going to planet fitness)

I will spend 15 minutes a day reading the Bible.(hope to have it finished buy the End of 15)

I want to be able to get the repairs that really need to be done on this house done

I will work on my mental health by making a dr appointment for myself as soon as the second vehicle is running again

I will encourage Kenn to take the time and start seeing a dr as well

I will get Odie fixed as soon as the pups are weened

I will write one blog entry a month

I will promote the Avon business and tell at least 1 new person a day about it (dropping off catalogs at neighbor's houses, leaving brochures at dr offices if they will let me)  putting up signage in the front office if I can  ect.

 

Confessions of a Texas girl

yeah if your hoping for some racy little tidbit not going to get it here :)

My confessions are I've over ate a couple times this past week...mindless eating because I was bored.  I did not turn to God, or clean my house when I felt this way.  And I'm cold... well probably won't be too much today, but yesterday and the day before I didn't want to do anything cause I was so very cold. Now I know I'm in Texas... but I don't deal well with the winter weather.  especially when the house is 65 in the warmest area...

I am in sensory overload already and it is just 7am.  My 6 year old wants my phone to play bad piggies on, the house is a wreck (see above confession).  Kenn just left to pick up some work.  the 2 year old is screaming... 12 year old asleep (or pretending to be so)  I feel mentally, physically and emotionally drained.  So I am fixing to do my 15 minutes of Bible reading with my head phones on listening to Air1, then I will do my 4 challenges (day 13... haven't missed a day yet though I was tempted) take a bath and start cleaning.  going to give myself 2 hours to accomplish it in (do able but will be close...  but if I don't my stress level will just keep going up... been having stress pains in my shoulder and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!time to buckle down and get things done.  Praying a peaceful day here (more than it is starting out as)

Delighting in Obedience

OH boy... that word... the word that sometimes makes people cringe... OBEDIENCE... Something that most people struggle with.  Funny but true story first then I will get into the meat of this topic.  When Kenn and I were dating (we argue about where this takes place I say it happened at my parents house he says his aunts townhouse... but seeing as it is me telling this I will go with my parents house :)  )  It was a Sunday evening and we were watching America's Funniest Home Videos with my parents.  (this was in the mid 90's) They were showing wedding clips, and in one of them the minister came to love, honor and obey and the bride said "I'm not saying that word no way!"  I looked at Kenn and said something like "yeah I'm not going to say obey either"  He said "that's ok you don't have to"  then a few minutes later he asked "Hey, Andi, could you go get me a coke ?"  So not thinking about it I got up went outside got the coke brought it in, looked at the coke, then looked at him sitting there with the cat ate the canary look on his face and it dawned on me just as he said "  No... you don't have to say obey "  He is lucky I didn't throw the can at him :)

Anyway obedience...  not only obedience but delighting in it... that sounds impossible doesn't it.  I know it is a struggle to get the boys to obey a lot (our oldest was even diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder last summer.)  Hardened hearts are all around... I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want and the consequences be damned is how many people live maybe not about everything but about a lot of things.  I'm guilty of this myself from time to time (yesterday is a GLARING example right now)  obedience isn't what everyone thinks of... it isn't being a slave to someone else.  it isn't being a dog waiting for a command... it is realizing that there is a reason that we must wait... and not waiting could have bad results.

As children we are to obey our parents.  We learned pretty quick if we didn't do what we were told there were consequences, rather corporal or material the consequences of not doing what we were told to do were not fun.  As a child I got spanked, I got put in the corner, I was grounded, and had things I liked or wanted to do taken away from me for various acts of disobedience.  Part of having Free will allows us to choose to be obedient or not.  But choosing to be obedient can be rewarding, it can have as many rewards and perks as disobedience has punishments and negative consequences.  Still speaking from the child's point of view... if you obey (lets say doing your chores) you may earn an allowance, get to do something you've been wanting to do, maybe even get a gift that you had been wanting.  Not to mention that in keeping your room clean you would also know where that toy (piece of clothing, book) was that you wanted to play with rather than having to totally tear up your room looking for it, and have some healthy amount of pride for a job well done.

As we grow up we learn more and more lessons on being obedient...Most teens learn to obey the rules of the road, so that they won't have their parents take away their driving privileges (not me... didn't start driving on my own until I was 24 and married). We learn more about becoming responsible for the things we do and don't do.  We get jobs, and start making money and learn that in order to keep the job we have to do what we are told to do by our boss (we learn to OBEY our boss).  Then there is the tough choices... the dating... learning to obey God and not our bodies... (I'm forgiven for the choices I made and you are as well, I wish some choices I had made differently, but I would not be who I am today if I had)... the bills and play ... I want to go to the movie, but this bill is due...

When we get married we are suppose to obey our husbands... most modern women balk at this idea.  I know that I have not been as faithful in obedience to anyone as I should.  in April of 1993 I went on a women's retreat with the BSU of Lamar university.  One of the ladies on the retreat told the story of the first time she met her husband the thought "This is the man you are going to marry!" hit her out of no where.  (they met at someone's wedding) well she didn't give it much thought other than to deny it because he was not her type... they started corresponding a few months later, started dating, and eventually got married.  The following Monday I was walking to class and there were two guys I knew from the Wesley foundation walking in front of me.  My eyes locked on to the back of one of them.  "THIS IS THE MAN YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY!!!"  I stopped dead in my tracks.  NO WAY... power of suggestion... not my type at all.  shook my head and kept on to class.  That guy would occasionally ask me to lunch (which I never thought I was much to look at and the only guy I dated in high school I had to chase and practically beg to ask me out) I never really took it seriously.  He asked a mutual friend for my number I told her not to give it to him and to tell him something like my parent's don't let me give my number out.... she just told him I said no.  That summer his dad died (I remember seeing the obit in the paper and saying a little prayer for his family).  Towards the end of the summer, after drinking too much at a party at a friends house I almost let a guy that I really thought I liked a lot go a lot farther than I should... my no's were starting to get very weak when his sister saved the day by coming to look for us.  When classes started back in the fall I decided I was going to stop worrying so much about not having a guy in my life and concentrate on my studies.  One day at work THE guy came in and I pointed him out to one of my friends that I worked with... "that's the guy that keeps asking me out!"  she was like "Why don't you say yes... what is the worst that could happen?"  So I decided on that day that next time he asked I would say yes... well he didn't ask again.  One day I was sitting in the Wesley and talking to a friend about the Glamour shot pictures I had taken the year before...  He over heard us and said something about wanting one :)  so the next day I knew I would see him was a Tuesday.  I had one of each pose (4 pictures) with my full name and phone number written on the back and handed them to him... needless to say he was a bit confused... probably even more so when at lunch that day I sat next to him and leaned back while listening to the speaker... but when he put his arms around me... I knew right then and there that the words I had heard 6 months to the day before were true.

I don't feel that being obedient to my husband is a chore (most of the time anyway),  if he asks for something it just seems natural to do it.

Being obedient to God is what this topic is really over though, and I am getting better at that some days are easier than others.  Yesterday however I was disobedient and listened to the part of me that wanted to eat when I was not hungry.  I ate 4 egg rolls and 2 or 3 servings of fried rice that I had made the night before.  (they were fairly healthy, but I was willfully disobedient in eating more than two of them because I was no longer hungry...)  As a consequence I felt ill and bloated but could not throw up.

God wants us to have our hearts desires (after all it was HIM who put them there).  All He asks is that we turn to HIM and give HIM our obedience, our time, our struggles, our pains, our triumphs, our victories, our needs... spend time with HIM in prayer, and in reading HIS word.  He gives us nudges from time to time to let us know what HIS will is, which direction HE wants us to go... and by spending more time with HIM we can better learn to respond to these nudges, and hear these nudges more clearly.  I will stop my cycle of willful disobedience now for today I will be obedient in the truths I know, and listen harder for those God nudges to lead me in the path to obedience. and I will do so with a song on my lips and in my heart, I will do so with delight, looking forward to the rewards that are to come if I am obedient.

 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

 

on ward I go

Well the scale says 198.8 this morning.  I don't feel deprived at all (as I feared I would when I started eating less and watching my calories)  I've also been reading the Bible 15 minutes everyday, and getting at least 10 or 15 minutes of exercise... I'm on day 8 of 4 different "challenges"  where each day the reps get higher... the second and third day and a little bit of the fourth I really wanted to give up and stop... but you know what there isn't any more pain from the exercises... so might as well keep going.  they are getting easier to do (even though there are more to do each day :)  )each challenge is only 30 days though so once they are done I will consider what to work on next :)  hope to be down to 190 if not lower by my dr appointment next month.  But you want to know something... the number on the scale is just that... a number.  Something I learned a long time ago is that it is how I see myself that is more important than those numbers... When I was 123 and no one believed I weighed that much (thought I weighed less) while I didn't see myself as fat I definitely didn't think I was as thin as I was...While I don't really care to be that thin again (as I was skeletal looking at that weight)  I would like to be at 150 in the next year, and be able to maintain that weight. That is my ultimate goal... and at this rate it is very likely to occur, just got to keep the momentum up and giving the credit to God.

Start of a better me

#Determination

This is the word of the week in the Made to Crave online Bible study this week.   What it means to me is that I am going to work through the pain of beginning to exercise and keep going.  I am going to continue to make note of everything I put into my mouth... and try to keep everything that comes out pleasant...(not an easy task most days).  I am determined to finally read the Bible through... 15 minutes a day I am devoting to this endeavor.  Getting the house clean and getting rid of the bugs is another BIG priority that I want to see happen.
Determination=WANT TO+FOLLOW THRU.   I want to accomplish something and am willing to follow thru to the end to accomplish that goal.  Determination is planning and doing.  it is getting off my posterior and accomplishing things that need to be done.

I have a few long term goals that I am working towards.
The first one is to be able to invite some good friends over for coffee on November 14, 2014... In order to be able to feel that I have accomplished that I need to continue with my cleaning everyday, in a few months contact an exterminator to get an estimate on  getting rid of our bug problem, do minor repairs and painting in main rooms (living, dinning, kitchen, bath)  tackle major repairs such as getting the trailer leveled and getting the roof repaired (and figuring out why the front bathroom won't flush)... maybe just maybe get some new furniture for dinning room and living room.  it can be accomplished with in the time frame I have set I believe.  And with God's help the finances will be available to allow it to occur.
2nd goal In Two years I want to be able to invite my family here for at least one holiday...  This one takes a lot more determination than the first simply because it requires me to become the house keeper I want to be... nothing out of place and everything having a place... this one also requires more $ which is why I have given 2 years for this goal.  It requires a continual deep cleaning of the house, new furniture in all the rooms, major repairs to some parts of the house (new counters and cabinets in the kitchen possible rewiring of the house...)  but in this too I am determined to see accomplished... oh and having my family here means they will mostly be staying over night.  By this time I will have at least 10 nieces and nephews plus my mom, sister and her husband, and both brothers and their wives... the nearest sibling lives 143 miles away.  so to say I will have a full house is an understatement :)
and my last goal is for 3 years from now (well a little less than)it is to be able to fit back into my wedding dress for our 20 year anniversary.  To accomplish this goal I will have to lose at least 8 dress sizes.  how to I plan on doing this... by eating correct portions, including more fruits and vegetables into my diet, making less food for dinner so I don't feel obligated to eat more than I should.  Exercise daily.  and when my will power fades give it to God and spend time with Him to get past cravings and desires to hoover everything in the fridge.
I think my goals are all attainable... and reasonable to expect that I will be able to accomplish them.  No they are not goals I can just sit here on my fanny and expect to have them just happen I have to work for them, I have to be DETERMINED to accomplish them... Determined to work past obstacles that are thrown in my path... things like lack of funds to do a project the way I want it done... Determined to give myself, my family and my friends the best I can, while also giving God the credit and praise for helping me through the obstacles and getting past set backs and getting back on track.  Here is to DETERMINATION  let's get 'er done!!!! :)

OVERRULED

Ok as some of you know I am doing an online bible study right now.http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/  This was what I wrote in response to today's assignment. 

Excuses I have NOT to get stuff done/ overruled because

1. Not enough time... I have plenty of time... instead of spending 4+ hours online I can do my Bible reading (15 minutes), exercise (at least 15 minutes) Big sweep (45 minutes at most sweep everything on the floor in all rooms to one room and clean that pile), Dishes and counters cleared (30 minutes max twice a day) fold clean cloths and put away (15 minutes max) and still have plenty of time to play around.... …
2. Kids are driving me nuts.... Go outside (weather permitting) and walk around for 5 or 10 minutes spending time with God, and cooling off... in a few months I can use this time to work on the garden, and as it warms up the kids can start coming out and we'll unwind a bit together perhaps...
3. I'm too tired!... I'm too tired because all I do is sit here behind this computer keyboard... if I get up and move around I will gain that energy and sleep better at night.
4. Money is so tight buying healthy foods costs SO MUCH!!!!! Ok this one is a toughy, but I can and will make some changes. First stop cooking for an army (always have at least two or threeI servings left over... I do this out of fear that I will hear I'm still hungry. I can find ways to cut costs especially once we get the new freezer fixed by buying meats when on sale and stocking up. And I WILL PLANT A GARDEN THIS YEAR. And I can freeze or can the produce that isn't used fresh from the garden. Looking forward to being able to go pick several tomatoes and a jalapeno and make my fresh salsa from my own garden. Plus I will grow things I know my family will eat (squash, spinach, broccoli and bell peppers) and I can have an herb garden as well... fresh herbs make things taste sooo good :)
5. I hurt... well the reason I hurt is I am exercising and using muscles that haven't been used in a very long time... once I start using them regularly they won't protest as much as they are right now... this is day three they still hurt but if I push through the pain and keep going in a few days they won't hurt, but if I let it make me give up then every time I start to try again the pain will start, and it will be a never ending cycle of quitting... I'm an OVERCOMER... not a quitter!!!!
6. I just don't want to... don't like too... THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH OF THIS THOUGHT IN MY HOUSE!!!!!As I tell my boys there are lots of things in life that we have to do whether we want to or not. Things that have to be done that we would rather not do, or rather wait for someone else to do.... I have to start giving them a better role model. If I start living like I need to get this done first then I can do what I want to do... if/then... first/ then are big things in my family and I really need to be more consistent using them... my oldest two have Asperger's... and we strongly suspect my husband and I do as well...so routines and things like that are wonderful for us... once we come up with them and use them... the problem there is coming up with them and over coming the excuses.
   NO EXCUSE IS VALID I HAVE BEEN OVERRULED!!!!!!!

good day/ for the most part

Yesterday I started on 4 30day challenges... tricep dips, butt, abs, and wall sitting...
My thighs don't know what the heck is going on and they are protesting anytime I get up from sitting or go to sit...not fun :)  but I shall keep going.  Today I added 15 minuets of reading the Bible to my daily tasks... read from ch4 to ch 11 in Genesis...I had started reading Genesis a few weeks ago and just thought I would continue where I left off...  Been doing really well at keeping up with what I am putting in my mouth, although I want to find an ap that can not only tell me calories, but how I am doing as far as the food pyramid goes... what I need to add (umm fruits and veggies... don't really need an ap for that silly :)  ) and what I need to start cutting back on (here again don't really need an ap... bread, pasta, rice... grains!!!!)  got a lot of cleaning done this morning (about an hour and a half to two hours worth of cleaning)

We bought a freezer a couple of weeks ago when we got our new washer and dryer... and it stopped working the 2nd or 3rd day... no problem right, take it back and exchange it... right????  WRONG  had to call service and get them to come look at it (the man that came to look at it didn't speak English very well, so once he looked at it he called his supervisor and the supervisor told me to call the store and have the manager call his hotline and get it exchanged out..., I called the store the manager was like call back the tech just came out so the hot line would not have any information on it yet... ok... so Kenn went in on Saturday to talk to the manager who said that he had no idea why we were told to contact him because he had no way of getting them to authorize an exchange... yesterday Kenn got a call from service saying someone would be out yesterday morning to look at it... then he got a call that said, no they are going to authorize an exchange, then this morning they call and tell him that cooperate won't authorize the exchange that they have to order a part and fix it...So what did I do... I got irate, and I called (and if you know anything about me it should be that me MAKING a phone call is a BIG thing!!!!)  first the customer service who told me that they didn't see any notes that told what was wrong with it, but that someone was scheduled to come out tomorrow to look at it... (I didn't cuss... I did raise the tone of my voice, but not the volume so she gave me the number to the service line (which my blond self dialed wrong TWICE)  I did apologize to her letting her know that it wasn't her I was angry with, but the situation.... so I called service... they told me that no he was not scheduled to come out tomorrow but to call and order the part for the freezer tomorrow...I was a little more upset with her than I had been with the other one, but I still did not cuss, and I did apologize again because it is not their fault, they are not the top of the "food chain" at Conn's....but I also assured her that this would be our last purchse with them , and that I would be letting my friends and family (and FACEBOOK) know how unhappy I was and suggest that they not buy from Conns....

on a brighter note I am down to 202 now :)  last week I was at 204... :)  not a big loss but a loss never the less.  God is good,

lost it a bit today

I lost it a bit today, I am trying to be calm and not yell... but today was just one of those days...  I'll start at the beginning which was actually yesterday.

Yesterday was my birthday... the first birthday I have has that I wasn't able to wish my dad a happy birthday or have him wish me one back...
This is how it started... 5am the phone rang... it was the school districts automated messaging system letting us know that school had been canceled because of the weather... Yes in Texas we get weather days for icy roads.   so my day began with Kenn running in and waking the boys up then telling them to go back to bed cause they didn't have school.....could have been worse I know and it was actually kind of funny.  Then Kenn went to work and I began the day.  I honestly did not get much house work done (as I rarely do when they are all here...) I spent most of the day on Facebook...  I made a post on my dad's wall... yes I know he wouldn't have gotten it if he were alive probably as he didn't really use it, but I did it as a remembrance. Mom called about 9:30 to wish me a happy birthday. (we didn't talk about dad).  I spent most of the day making gumbo for dinner.

All in all the kids behaved well, and were laughing and having fun... No big deal, until about 4 or 5  when the noise level drove me into hiding... they were laughing ( the kind of laughs that are almost screams) and playing with loud toys...and I just started to go into sensory overload... and that is never a good thing.  So I hid in my room for a while, Kenn came home from work and we ate and went to bed... 

Today Kenn had things he needed to do this morning and afternoon, so I was left with the kids for several hours again.  Sometime this morning A had gotten into my make up which was in my purse.  Now I had just bought most of what he got into on the 11th, the lipstick was a couple of weeks older...  He took the mascara and took the wand and dug out the lipstick,poured the foundation into a bowl...  the eyeshadow he had already messed up a few days before.... I yelled and threw a fit when I saw what he had done...   but I know I really have no one to blame for it than myself... (at least I am a cheap skate and didn't spend more than 15 total on all of it...I had an HEB coupon for $4 off make up purchase, so I pretty much replaced whet he had messed up for under $10, plus got some lotion and body spray:)  ) 

It is almost 10:30 pm and I am the only one still awake.  They all look so peaceful when they are asleep.  I just have to take a deep breath and know that they aren't the enemy... not even close and they deserve me to continue to strive to be better than I was today... One day at a time, one moment at a time.

A Raging Battle

my current battles are food, and selfishness...  I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it .  and my children suffer, my marriage suffers...  I think the food battle will actually be an easier battle than the selfishness... because I don't see myself as being selfish a lot of the time... but I spend way more time than I should online, and not enough time getting to know my kids...  I yell WAY more than I should... although it has been better the last couple of days.  Another thing I struggle with is asserting myself enough to get my needs met, instead of just being very passive and letting everyone else go first...  stuffing and stuffing until it all explodes and spews might as well say sewage (raw sewage at that!) all over everyone. 

My battle plan... eat less... not necessarily not eat things, but making a conscious effort to eat less of it.  I think I did a pretty good job of that today.  the selfishness, internet, and stuffing...First and foremost turn to God, and pray.  Take time for myself when I need it.  Spend less time online when everyone is here and awake.  And as for the stuffing... I need to start speaking up and letting people know when something they say hits me wrong...  I pray that God gives me the tools I need.I also am praying for strength to get though my birthday, and not spend the day crying in bed missing my dad....

sick kids :(

T stayed home from school today with a scratchy throat... and A's nose is running both barrels... got to love mountain cedar.

Ugg I've been mostly good today with my eating.  I think tomorrow I am going to start writing down everything that goes in my mouth... how much and what time... I'm going to start making myself be more accountable...

Right now I am sitting her and I really want to eat and eat and eat... I want food... I need God :)...so I am praying that this hungry feeling be taken away.  to give me the strength not to go hoover everything in the fridge :)

Well I need to call Conn's again tomorrow about the repair guy...

tired but not really sleepy... or is it sleepy and not really tired?I am so not looking forward to Friday... all I want to do right now is curl up in a ball and just let the day pass me by.  I'm already recieving happy birthday messages on Facebook... I miss my dad so very much.

Did pretty good about yelling today... that was until dinner time when I am in the kitchen fixing plates, and OD starts growling... the kids are all Moming... so I yell at the dog to shut up...

can I do it?

I yell... I yell A LOT.  I don't like yelling and I really want to quit yelling... easy right?... I yell from frustration, yell because the kids don't seem to hear me unless I am exploding, I yell because I am in the middle of some thing and MOM... MOM... MOM!!!! over and over and OVER again.

So today I did raise my voice a couple of times but no where near the volume that I have in the past.  With God's help I can quit screaming all the time, and maybe once I stop screaming everyone else will too :).

Today I got a lot done, I made the beds, did my big sweep, cleared off the counters, put away the dishes, did a couple loads of laundry, finished up some paper work, started playing around with the taxes to see how much we may get back... and called the Conn's store about the deep freeze we just got... haven't even had it a week yet and it does not work.

so many things that I want and need ... but the one thing I don't want, the one thing that right now is breaking my heart is for Friday to get here... you see Friday is my birthday... which isn't really a bad thing in itself, but Friday will be the first birthday that I have had that I am not going to be able to wish my dad a happy birthday as well.  My dad and I shared a birthday 30 years apart... pretty cool in itself... but even more so as they adopted me as a baby...  But Dad died in September after a long battle with leukemia, and other issues as well.  I didn't really get a chance to say good bye to him, to see him one last time.  my boys will never get to go fishing with their poppa (this side of heaven anyway).  I feel like my kids got cheated in the grandparent department... Kenn's parents both died before the boys were born, and now my dad is gone too... I had both sets of grandparents right up till 3 months before I got married...my dad never got to see any of his grandkids graduate... (the first one graduates this year)...

Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial....

Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial....wow... that really speaks volumes doesn't it.

I write this after having eaten TOO much at dinner and now I feel painfully bloated.  to me this speaks back to  those little God nudges as I call them... the little twinge telling you you shouldn't be doing whatever it is that you are being convicted of...  that nagging feeling that there is something more important that you should be doing than this.  You should be spending time cleaning instead of playing for hours on Facebook,  you should pay more attention to your family than having your eyes glued on to the TV, more time with God.  over the next six weeks I am doing an online Bible study that goes with the book Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.  I am feeling excited to do this Bible study as I put the book on my Nook last summer and haven't read it yet.

I know where my weaknesses lie, but changing is what I have a great deal of trouble with.  it is hard to calm the mind and concentrate on little things when you would rather be playing mind numbing games on Facebook.  Or stuffing your face because you are hungry, but never being satisfied...  I pray that over the next 6 weeks I can grow in Christ, and stop coming unglued all the time, and crave good things (God, time with my children, time with my husband)  I pray that I can make a noticeable change and that my family sees and make the changes that God is moving them to make as well.

meal ideas for the next few weeks

Today I am going to make a list of cheap meals that I know my guys will probably eat for the next few weeks
Tacos
chicken Alfredo with broccoli
fried chicken
hamburgers
smothered hamburger meat
bake potatoes
sausage peppers and ravioli
stroganoff
spaghetti
chili
enchiladas (cheese)
egg rolls
king ranch chicken
home made pizzas
hot dogs or brauts
pancakes sausage and bacon
sloppy joes


I think what I am going to start doing is making a list of things that go over pretty well and that way I will have a list of go to meals...  most of the time I have most of the ingredients of these on hand.  I really need to stock my cabinets and now that I have the deep freeze I need to start stocking up on things when they are on sale.

styrofoam... EVERYWHERE

well happy birthday to me... early got new washer, dryer and a small deep freeze today.they'll be paid off in the next three years at the longest... sooner hopefully.  My middle boy, T... God love him... (cause right now he is busy making a mess) is making snow with the styrofoam...ugg... I HATE styrofoam... and it is all over the house (that while it may not have been perfectly and completely clean was a LOT cleaner before the appliances got here than it is now...) They are off Monday for MLK day... so that means I'll be stuck here with them for hours and hours the next couple of days....  Kenn is trying to quit smoking again... I really hope he is able to this time around.

So now that I have a deep freeze I am going to start trying to put together  meals and freeze them so I can cook them later when there is a lot going on and I don't have time to cook...if anyone out there is actually reading this and has suggestions please leave a comment...  I know I will for sure be doing lasagnas, and probably freezing some chili next time I make some.  casseroles... (like king ranch chicken) would work as well...plus I am planning on starting a garden so I'll probably be freezing veggies like peppers (bell and jalapeno), making homemade spaghetti sauce and freezing (or possibly canning) it.

I have all these ideas and wants in my head that I want to do I just need to start making a plan to get them done!  :)  Sewing machine so I can make my own clothes... got so many design ideas in my head of what I want to make...
we want to get another Total gym so we can exercise.  (we had one back in Beaumont... but it like so much else got left behind)
I want to have a veggie garden so I need to start getting seeds and getting them started, get some timbers and some dirt and get the ground ready for the plants once warmer weather is here to stay.
in addition to the house repairs and the 2nd vehicle ect...

been a messed up week

in my never ending house cleaning endeavor I decided to clean behind things this week.  I moved out the washer and dryer to clean behind them, and I pulled out the desk in the office to clean behind it.  the first disaster struck Wednesday when I was doing this cleaning.  When I pulled the desk out the computer (the one that housed ALL the business stuff fell over (and died!!!) I am all panicky  tried everything I could think of to revive it.... but to no avail.  I found a computer on craigslist and actually called the number (GASP... me making a call without stressing about it...well I was stressed enough over the computer and having to tell Kenn about it that I didn't even hesitate to make the call)  Then after talking to the guy with the computer I called Kenn to tell him the news... which he took SO MUCH better than I thought he would.  so we got a computer I got it set up and most of the things I needed put on it and back to where they were... although not 100% of the information we had, it is better than nothing.

That night I put some jeans in the wash... and the washing machine would not drain.  Yesterday I took it apart to see if there was a clog or something, but no clog was found... so we are going to be getting new washer and dryer from Arron's rental center... so TODAY I need to get up off my butt and clean the front rooms try to kill as many bugs as I can as I go...  I need to finish up figuring the mileage so I can get the taxes started and we can get the tax return on its way... new roof. leveled house, new to us truck and hopefully enough left to start having an exterminator come out and kill these damned roaches!!!!

You Are Invited ...Why I am doing the made to crave bible study

A while back I was on facebook and saw that Proverbs 31 was doing an online Bible study for the book Made To Crave.  I had bought the book a while back on my nook and hadn't gotten around to reading it... So I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to read it, and do a Bible study, as we only have one vehicle right now so I don't get out much.  Plus I have read the author's book Unglued and it spoke volumes to me.

I have many issues and hope that this Bible study helps me to dig deep in the word , and lean more on God than I have in years.  I am ready for a change inside and out.  Things that I pray for coming from this Bible study is that I will long to spend time with God, and my family, and not feel like screaming, and feeling my emotions all the time.  I pray that I can lose some of this weight that has been hanging on for years now... (When my husband and I started dating I wore a size 5... that was 20 years and three kids ago... I now wear a size 16... while I don't quite think I want to be a size 5 again... I would like to be at least a 10 if not an 8.  Ideally I would love to be able to put on my wedding dress in 3 years and wear it when we renew our vows at 20 years... but that was a size 9 wedding dress which was probably actually a size 6.  I want to know God's plan for my life better, to make better choices, have better relationships, and grow (in everything but my body :)  )

trying not to get sick

Didn't do as much as I wanted to get done today, but I did put the dishes up, fold three loads of laundry, threw away stuff with holes in it, put together a couple of tables to help keep track of expenditures for the year for the business... made two of my nagging phone calls (I HATE making calls...)  found out that I don't have to worry about putting a PCP on R's plan because he has traditional medicaid.  called and reschedule appointments for R and T that they have missed the past 3 months now... ugg  going to call the regular dr office to see if they can get T in to see the regular dr so I can get his refills for this month...   (will do that Monday.)I started watching Dexter kind of creepy...  my throat hurts... but I am going to the party tomorrow night... been looking forward to it for too long!!!  need to call and make their dental appointments... but I am really considering changing their dentist... cause I am sick of being told that I ned to hold the twelve year old down and brush his teeth...but I can't remember the name of the dentist I was going to switch them to was.  getting ready for a fight with R's school come the next ARD meeting... I am going to go in with a handwritten page by R and ask them if they can read every single word on that page easily... if not he needs OT, or at least help to improve his hand writing... yes I know that they let him use a computer at school...but he forgets to ask for it, and there are times when getting the lap top out and set up and start using it takes up too much time.  and if he could just pull out a pen or pencil and paper and just write it would be more convenient...

I'm almost finished with my niece's hat, then I need to figure out what to do for my 17 year old nephew's present.  I want to do a cross for mom.finish up the sharks, and mail the packages...did look up the information on how to patch holes in walls... need to price those supplies and get them and get started filling in the small holes in living room dinning room areas.  going to probably have to replace all of the molding or what ever you call the strips of wood at the joints...but that can wait until after I paint :)  well I am going to go do the dishes, try and move A out of the chair that he has been asleep in since before dinner, take a bath and go to bed... oh yeah... set up the coffee pot!!! can't forget that

end of the day

Well I got rid of about 200+lbs of JUNK today :)  happy dance for me.  I did get some more mileage figured out for the tax return (I have done half the year, and it is already over 19,000 miles just business driving.)  fixing to wash the dinner dishes, try and work on my niece's hat that I am making as a late Christmas present... Read some more of Genesis.  set up coffee pot and turn on the auto.  pick Austin up off the floor and put him to bed. take a bath and head to bed myself... (hopefully before 1am tonight )

Got my weekly secretarial duties out of the way ... I get the bill started so that all Kenn has to do in the morning is pull the bill up and enter the amounts.  I even started with putting mileage on the paper so I am that much further ahead of the game next year :).

I need to make the phone calls tomorrow... and if you know me you know how much I HATE that.

my new motto is when I think I can do it later... stop and do it then... that way it gets done...

life as we know it

I forgot to update yesterday on my life since my last cryptic post in August.  I wrote that post after my dad called me (to say goodbye pretty much) letting me know that things weren't looking good and he was tired of being in so much pain.(I was at T.'s meet the teacher... needless to say I wasn't in any condition to really spend the time talking to her as I like to do)my mom called the next day horrified that he had made those calls telling me it wasn't quite as dire as he made it seem.   I talked to him a couple days later and he sounded good.  The first week of September he was back in the hospital... not doing good at all.  So we start making plans to go to say good by that weekend... cause I needed to get my car checked out before driving that far.  At around 4 am on September the 5th my sister called to let me know that dad had passed around 2 am that morning.  So that morning was running around trying to get the car fixed... turns out it was a blown head gasket and not the water pump as we thought.  So there was no way I was going to be able to drive it that far... My little brother and his family drove all night got here at 12am to pick up me and the younger two.  and then we drove back (pretty much got everything put in their car and turned around... )  R and Kenn came when Kenn finished working the next day.the funeral was that Monday.  and Kenn drove back with T and R and I took a bus back the next day with A... and that was an adventure in itself...   The car officially died Tuesday or Wednesday of that week... leaving us with a truck that only seats 3... so going anywhere as a family is right out for the most part.  had to miss both Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family because we just couldn't afford to go (would have been over $300 for bus tickets for me and the younger two both ways)  NOT looking forward to not being able to call him on our birthday this month.  I know he is out of pain and that I will see him again but it doesn't make it hurt any less.


Ok... didn't get to bed last night till after 1am...at 3ish T. got up and decided to start playing with his legos...umm NO... back to bed with you.  At 4:30am A. decided that I needed to wake up and make him coffee NOW (he's 2 1/2)by 4:50 I couldn't deal with the screaming so I got up and started the coffee pot...apparently the screaming woke up T.  he came into my room and softly asked  "Coffee?"I lost it just a little bit... you can wait!!!... then I calmed myself and told him that I would make him a cup after he got dressed... Told him to take R's clothes to him... apparently he threw them on him waking R up... So by 5:30 (the time I am usually fighting them to get them up.) everyone that had to be up and ready to leave by 6:30 were dressed... and ready (for the most part) to go... now instinct said go back to bed when they left... but instead I made the beds... did my sweep (everything off the floors in all rooms (most rooms) swept into one pile and put away)  gotten 4 of the 5 monitors out to get ready for the computer junk pick up today or tomorrow...``cleared (mostly) the counters.  Still need to wipe them down... .got a load in the washer and once that is done I'll do the dishes in the sink (cause my towel that goes under the dish drainer is in the wash)  put the dishes up... and now I am taking a break... read the 1st 4 chapters of Genesis...I decided this morning when listening to air one that I was going to read at least one book of the Bible a week this year (hate to admit it but I have never read the whole thing thru... generally get bored around Numbers...)  all that was done before 8:30 am...going to accomplish a LOT today :)

the time now is 9:12 am...

2014... new year... better me (I hope and pray)

There are SEVERAL things I am going to work on this year and next.   I'll be making my first dr's appointment soon for a check up... Haven't been to the dr since my post op after having my tubes tied... and that was 2 years ago... 2 1/2 actually.

My first goal is to have my house in good enough condition to be able to have my MoCAA friends over for coffee on November 14,2014.  My second goal is to be able to host the holidays on 2015 here.  Got a lot of work to do to get this place up to that... but with baby steps I can do it... breaking things down and getting them done.

This week is already half over, so I think my goals for this week is to start on the tax return, and keep the floors and counters cleared off.  I am also going to start looking around for how to's on holes in walls.

Next week I hope to be able to get the supplies to fix the holes in the living room/ dinning room areas so we can put a base coat of paint to cover up the drawings, and then paint the walls.  As well as finishing the tax return up and keeping up with the floors and counters.  (now the actual paining might happen down the road... but I need to get a move on :)  )

Things we need to get done:

house leveled (double wide trailer)
roof replaced (one big hole and a few leaks)
holes in walls... some pretty big, some small
floor in front of sink in front bathroom (very weak because of a bad pipe leak that was undetected for at least a month)
toilet in front bathroom... need to remove it, snake the pipe under it, get two of the wax seals to put it back down on, turn water back on to it and flush... if that did it then good... get a seat and we're back up to two bathrooms :)... if not then get the plumber out her to look at it.
wall/cabinet where sink is in that bathroom (we had a dog that we put in the bathroom at night and he dug through to the bedroom)
close up hole under bathtub as well.
paint the living room dinning room area
paint the kitchen
new counters in kitchen especially the sink area
flooring
have electrical issues looked at if it is more than just bad breakers
and most important of all to finally rid ourselves of the bugs once and for all!!!

And that is just the stuff I hope to accomplish before this summer.... :)

On a personal note I am going to lose weight, get a better attitude (with possible help of pharmaceuticals there), cooking less food (I am constantly cooking more than we will eat in fear that someone will be hungry if I don't).  I am also trying to at least listen to the bible on my phone daily (although I have missed the last couple of days :/)  and will start helping Kenn with the business once we get the second truck.  (already helping with paperwork)... and I will try to make blog posts at least once a week :)  to update on my progress.