Follow by Email

Thursday, August 29, 2013

ups and downs

Sometimes it sucks to be a grown up... There are things no one tells you about being a grown up.  I am not talking about the pain of child birth, or having to pay bills, or even about having to be responsible...  It has to do with our parents... I know that there are kids that have their parents die, and I know that no one lives forever (at least not here where we can physically see and touch them).  But there is a certain amount of sadness and fear when you realize that those people that held you when you were little and hurt, and the same ones that whooped your butt when you were bad won't always be here  No one talks about it.   No want wants to think that there will come a time... maybe hours, maybe years down the road when they just won't be here anymore... I guess if we think about those we love's mortality then we also must think of our own... and we aren't going anywhere anytime soon ... ARE we?  Started being concerned when my grandmother was the first to pass away (just months before my wedding),   then slowly my grandparents one by one died, my mother in law died... all this made me sad that my children would not have both sets of grandparents (even though I knew they would not have two complete sets to begin with), but grateful that I grew up with two sets of grandparents and the opportunity to meet two of my great grandmothers.  I had lost people in my life before this... my dad's brother died from cancer when I was almost 10, and before that my mother had a stillborn baby... but I was older now, and the deaths had more meaning...  I remember my oldest being born at 31 weeks and being so worried that I would lose him before I got a chance to know him.  I remember the devastating news that my second child had stopped growing at 9 weeks. (and being jealous of a girl who gave birth at 24 weeks and was at least given a few weeks with her daughter to hold and say goodbye to).  But the realization that my parents won't always be there for me when I need them hurts... gut wrenching hurt that tears you up inside.  To know that there are things your child will never get to do with their grandparent, and things that their grandparent will miss...

And then you get the call saying it isn't as bad as you've been told.... relief  but still we are mortal.  sigh.

Enjoy life... because "you're going to miss this... you're going to want this back"  as the words to the song go.  :)  think I am going to start making the most of my life now.  appreciating everyone more than I have.